The last week ends with much sweat and little sleep. This heat wave has caught me by surprise and so has the end of this study abroad experience. Today was my last day, and while this morning was full of the normal work routine, by lunchtime I was starting to feel the reality of it, sitting across from Luisa and toasting to wherever we go next.
I don’t tend to get emotional about these sort of things, I’ll accept the next phase and move on, but recently I’ve started to realize that’s not really what I do, that’s what I think I do. Instead, I don’t really like change at all– it is disruptive and unnerving, so I pretend to not be bothered by it and fake enthusiasm until I actually feel enthusiastic.
I came on this trip because I was starting to realize my fear of change and the unknown, and while I have been here, I have learned to step out by myself to places I have never been, and I’ve actually enjoyed it very much. I am still afraid of what comes next, but at least I know now that I have the potential to make it alone. I can go to another country without knowing anyone, I can work in a job I didn’t think I had any interest in, I can get on a bus and hop off and end up a little lost and be able to embrace it for the adventure of it.
I have always wanted to be viewed as an adventurous sort of person, and I don’t know if I am quite there yet, but I am trying to be. I know I need to continue to do things that I am scared of, and I am sure I will have great stories to tell because of it. So here’s to voluntarily getting lost, to dancing with strangers, to going on dates with myself — I’ll make sure that there are dozens of each in the coming years.